Women, Please Be Judicious. Gentlewomen, Thank You.

*ATTENTION READERS*

What I’m about to say people have disagreed with me before in the past, still don’t agree with me, and people after reading this will still not agree with me...

But it’s all good though, because there are more people that agree with me anyways.

Even if they didn’t, disagreement allows me to see the other side of arguments, so let me know if  you don’t agree with something.

My motivation in writing this blog proceeds from a blog that I read today that coincides with many things that I’ve spoken on briefly but never really spoke in-depth about besides in face-to-face conversations.  Therefore, I’ll put my views out for everyone to see once and for all and attempt to move away from repeating these ideas in future blogs.  The center ideas of this blog are these:

1. In my opinion, to be a traditional gentleman is sexist.

2. Indulging in some gentleman practices undermines women efforts in modern day male-female equality.

3. Males and Females should have the same chance for equality even though they should not be equal.

4. The world needs more Gentlewomen.

These may very well be pretty strong statements, but I’ll explain the rational for each of them so that hopefully you’ll be on my side after everything is said and done.  And if you’re not on my side, that’s fine too; the point is not to see who’s right or wrong, but to raise awareness of what I see in society.  And to reduce any bias, my sources come from the women that I’ve talked to about situations like these.  These women include:  African American, Caucasian, Latina, Hispanic, Indian, Chinese, Russian, Japanese, New Zealand, and some other places.  This includes both Americans and International women from their respective countries.  This isn’t an experiment, but I’ve listened to enough people complain about the opposite sex to get a general idea of what’s going on haha.

In my opinion, to be a traditional gentleman is sexist. – In what I’ve read on the history of being a gentleman, the original title was of a prestigious title given to men who were upper-class with money, land, etc.  Also during the time the title emerged, women were seen as lesser to men and it was to be an honor for a woman to meet a gentleman.  A good amount of the practices of gentlemen (i.e. opening the door/pulling out a chair for women, paying for meals, etc.) can be seen as both nice acts of generosity intertwined with the idea that women were inferior and that men should be dominant.

This double standard of sorts may not be implied by the same actions done present day, but these things should be pointed out for two reasons.  One reason is that people care about the origin of words and their modern implications.  If people didn’t, then there would be no controversy over whether hella (a California slang word) equates to the word hell or the word nigga having the same meaning/implication as the word nigger. I think the case is the same for all three cases:  gentlemen aren’t trying to be sexist, hella is not a profanity, and nigga isn’t a racial slur.  But a lot of people will and have (for hours) disagreed with me, so I believe it’s significant to point this out.

Indulging in some gentleman practices undermines women efforts in modern day male-female equality. – Guys, have you ever tried to pay for a woman’s meal and they scold you with “I’m a working woman, I can pay for myself” or “I don’t need to depend on a man to take care of me financially”?  I have more times than I care to remember.  Being in situations such as “I can order my own food, thank you”, etc. can be confusing, frustrating, and annoying and instances like this ties into the second reason (continuing from the above paragraph):  Many women have societal pressure to be seen as equals to men.  Similar to how men are pressured to fit the mold of being the “bread-winners”, doing things like giving the waiter your credit card before you order or being generous with your money with other people can be seen as you undermining women or simply arrogant.  Gender stigmas derived from archaic mindsets should be abolished and re-evaluated, which is what the Women Rights Movements were/are all about; being a gentleman may be seen as counter-productive to those efforts, so maybe we should treat women and men exactly the same?

Males and Females should have the same chance for equality even though they should not be equal. – Well…I guess I already gave a little about what I thought about that last question…but to elaborate more thoroughly, women and men are fundamentally different – different gender, different physiology, different functions, etc.  If these differences aren’t accommodated, then I believe that leads to unfairness.  Yes, I believe that women should have the same rights as men and vice verse, but that doesn’t mean I think they should be treated equally.  Here’s an example of what I mean before a misunderstanding happens:  The law says that men cannot be raped by women; rape only applies to women and the rest falls under sexual assault.  And for the most part I mostly agree with this because the differences of male/female anatomy is taken into consideration.  The same for WNBA vs. NBA – women are allowed to play basketball, but their differences physically are taken into consideration.

Now I disagree with the way some laws work towards men (i.g. the way non-verbal sexual consent and domestic violence plays out in court), but I can understand the intent behind them.  In contrast, there are many unfair things done to women out there so both sides suffer at some point.  I know this particular point may not seem to explicitly relate to the previous topics, but I promise is does.  As a matter of fact, this propels me into the last point (I hope men and women alike will agree with me on this last one).

The world needs more Gentlewomen. – Yes, this word may seem redundant (women are gentle by nurturers by nature right?) and by definition may be similar to an Independent Woman, but they are different.  An independent woman claims to need no assistance from anyone because she can do for herself with self-sufficiency being the key motivation.  A gentlewoman, on the other hand, is exactly the same as a gentleman, just a female.  Paying for the lunch/dinner bill, approaching/calling the guy (in a cool, sophisticated manner) instead of waiting for him to take action   Not only does this take pressure off of the guy, but it also shows that you are a strong woman.  Some of the most epic civilizations (Vikings, Spartans, Native Americans) valued strong women over weak women and in being a strong woman you gain a better chance at equality along with coming away with a sense of dignity and confidence.

Here’s a scenario of a Gentlewoman interacting with a potential romantic interest:

Imagine you’re a guy at the club.  Typical situation where the guy is standing around when he makes eye contact with a girl at the bar.  They look away smiling and look at each other again to make sure that them meeting eyes wasn’t just a coincidence.  Right as you are about to make up your mind as to how you should approach her, she gets up from the bar with two drinks in her hand.  She walks up to you, asks you what your name is, and hands you a drink saying, “To save you the hassle of the “approaching the girl at the bar and buying her a drink” charade, I thought I might offer you a drink instead while I get to know you a little better.”  Surprised, you kindly accept.  You and her hit it off pretty well and decided that you would like to meet again in a more formal way.  She suggests her favorite restaurant and you will meet up there next week with her.  Y’all exchange numbers and she leaves.

Transition to the date:

After calling you first to make sure the date was still on, you pull up to the restaurant to discover that the is already seated and waiting for you.  You greet each other with a smile and she suggests the items that you might like from the menu.  You have a lovely evening with laughter, good food, and chilled wine.  After everything is said and done and you prepare your wallet to cover the bill, the waiter presents the woman with her credit card and a receipt.  She winks at you and gestures towards the exit.  Still surprised at how smooth the night was going, she holds the door open for you as y’all take a walk, enjoying each other’s company and letting the food and wine settle.  Then you set up the next date and give her a hug as she walks you to your car.  You wait until she gets into her car and pulls off before driving off with a smile on your face.

Don’t you think we need more women like this?

This idea is probably a little too radical to be suddenly implemented without men being butt-hurt that a woman can be seen as the one in control when we’ve been brainwashed to believe the opposite, but the world still needs gentlewomen for one simple reason.  The reason for any of these concepts of gentlemen/gentlewoman, etc. is an evolved way of selecting a mate (more politically correct, a significant other).  Acting in this manner is seen as a way to increase your chances of finding a person/people you will be happy to have in your life, so I believe the less pressure involved in this process, the better.

So women, before you think that a guy is trying to appear dominant or trying to undermine you in anyway, be judicious with your actions (this goes for men too) and don’t be afraid to be a gentlewoman.  To the gentlewomen out there, keep doing what you do, be chill about it, and be cautious of men feeling belittled by your strength because when women do daring things such as this (see Maryland Monroe, Sojourner Truth, etc.) it usually means the beginnings of change.  And to all the men out there trying to be gentlemen, just be genuine and respectful with your actions and all will be well.  If you’re the type of man who wants your woman to be strong, then keep ya eyes out for a gentlewoman, they seem to be rarer than gentlemen but they’re out there and growing in number (I hope).

I myself have been single since August of 2008, so this may seem bias or bs, but I assure you it’s not.  I truly think that if women are more confident and men are more accepting that things will work out better than the girl just waiting stereotypically for a gentleman or for a man to stereotypically do everything for a woman.  Mutual respect = mutually happier relationship.

PNBE

Snowfield Rhapsody

#women #happiness #men #sex #relationships #love #life #gender