There May Be Hope…

There have been a few things that have happened recently that has made me smile.  For example, one girl that low key hated me doesn’t hate me anymore, and that’s always a good thing.  There are some things that I’m not happy about also though (i.e. maybe losing my scholarship and my wisdom teeth killing me).  But after hitting the lowest point of my life this morning, there just may be hope that things will be alright….

From a homie of mines that is ALWAYS critical of every one of my perceivable actions, maybe I am over-reacting about my wisdom teeth and medicine……..nah, that’s impossible.  I’ve had surgery on places where it has caused me immense pain, but I’ve never experienced something like this.  I’m not even going to get into the hell that is my mouth right now, but it has made me appreciate a lot of things in my life.

Is it practical to have hope without a rationale behind it?  What if the rational isn’t strong enough or isn’t grounded in a strong enough viable reason?  Or is it valid enough a reason to have hope just because of how unpredictable life is?  Should hope even be approached with rationality?  Who knows….

But yeah, there’s this one person in my life that’s been keeping a smile on my face, and I kinda like it.  This person is motivating me to give my all in everything as well.  Yeah, it’s never safe to put all your eggs in one basket, but at least I’m willing to believe in a basket (I hope that makes sense when I’m sober).  Even if I am just fooling myself, the motivation for me to better myself is something that is necessary.  Therefore, I’m not doing this for me, but rather, for your smile.  And if that smile were to fade from my life, then I will have no regrets in the end.  This is all for you.

I miss holding my nephew!!!!!!!! =( who knows when the next time I’ll be able to see his smile again or to put him to bed or to comfort him when he cries….next time I see him he may not be a baby anymore.  I’m pretty sure the best years of my life will be raising my little ones.  After this stressful semester, seeing my brother and his family made my YEAR.  Pure innocence in the form of a toothless grin from an infant without a care in the world except for it’s own satisfaction and well-being…babies just blow my mind.

Yeah, my medicine is wearing off.  Luckily it’ll be time to re-up again so that I can get some sleep tonight.  I don’t expect many views for this blog because it’s just me rambling, but once I get back to Soka I’ll be restructuring my life so things that I put out for people to see will be a lot more organized.  The blog will be redone, organized, more publicized, with more content so look forward to that readers.  I’ll  try to nap through the pain until I can indulge in painless bliss again.

Oh, and I forgot.  Karma runs in a circle; my religion teaches that you pray for people’s happiness, not their suffering.  A person today was elated to let me know that their ex got broken up with by their spouse.  Unfortunately I couldn’t partake in her happiness because I don’t think anyone’s unhappiness should be celebrated.  Yes, I know it feels good to see someone suffering, especially if they have caused you pain, but being happy that they are unhappy?  Doesn’t that seem kind of….cruel?  Unhumanistic?  People should be better, stronger than that.  Every cause you make has a reaction.  You celebrate  someone’s unhappiness, and a similar situation my happen to you.  If that’s ok with you, then I can’t stop you.  Just be aware of the consequences…

Peace N Be Easy

Snowfield Rhapsody