The Show Must Go On

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Grand Puppeteer

We’re all puppets. Puppets of our own emotions. Sometimes, the emotional pain is so much that it’s better not to feel at all. That’s probably why I became so desensitized to so many things. It’s not your fault. It’s only mine: mine because I took it too far, mine because I didn’t know what to do. I can’t blame it on anyone else but myself. I hate making others feel bad because I feel bad. Lol~ Sure, I’m all for “If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me”, but at the same time, that just makes me look bad. People will just say I’m a drama queen.The only thing that knows what I feel are the things I write: my journals, this brand-spanking new blog, and whatever random poems I’ve written here and there.No one knows how I really feel. I cry myself to sleep, and no one knows. Psh, not even my family. Lynna barely knows what the hell goes on with me, but she has enough troubles of her own, living that dramatic life of hers. I think about so much more, feel so many things that I can’t even put into words, but I want to be something that everyone likes. I want to be me, but I can’t. I’m in a stupid teenage angst cage. I’m everything, and nothing. Buddhism stresses taking the Middle Path. Well, I’m taking that Middle Path, alright. I AM the Middle Path. And that makes me feel like an outcast. There is no label for me. I’m smart, but not smart enough. I’m athletic, but not enough for sports. I’m talented, but not enough to make me great. I’m a fighter, but I’m not strong enough to fight…and I have no one thing to fight for. I can barely plan what I’m going to be doing the next week. I don’t even know who I am.Who am I, and what the freaking hell am I doing here? – That is the question.

Hehehe. Was watching the NAACP 40th Annual Image Awards. Muhammed Ali got the President’s Award. Unbelievable. Truly deserving. It just makes you want to feel what they feel. They have an identity. I wish I could feel as sure as they could about that…

Goodbye, my friend.

9:17 PM

__________________________

Never in my life have I ever read words that have expressed my feelings so clearly and concisely.

(If you’ve kept up with my blogs until now, you’ll know exactly what I mean.)

“Who am I, and what the freaking hell am I doing here? – That is the question.”

That is indeed the question; the other half of this question, then, becomes “what am I going to do about it?”

Then other questions arise…

“Do I wanna know who I  really am?”

“Is that person who I want to be?”

“Am I suppose to be in this place right now? If I am, why do I feel out of place?”

etc.

Well…

I definitely do not hold the answer to these questions, let alone having answers for others; however, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t any hope.

Speaking of hope, I once heard somewhere that it doesn’t cost anything to hope.  I’ve learned throughout the years that this statement is true, but much harder to embody.  To believe in a means that doesn’t have any tangible evidence of producing the ends that we want to see doesn’t even sound possible in the type of instant gratification society that we have today.  That gap, the one separating us from the ‘normal’, seems even more insurmountable when ones who are “good, but not great”.

Fuck.

That.

Shit.

Even if we are puppeteers being controlled by strings that we can’t see (or even the ones that we can see); Even if we make complete fools of ourselves in the 3-ring circus stage that is life…

The Show Must Go On.

Whether that’s a bad thing or not is left up to one’s own interpretation, but believe it or not your performance will have an affect on the audience.  This train of thought is also taught in various aspects of Buddhism, proven though physics, and also (for the cut and dry realist out there) can be seen through plain common sense.  Because we are watched as the puppets of our actions is the reason why we should put on the best performance that we can before our strings are cut.

The writer of this original blog as told me in the past that I’m an easy person to talk to and that chillness is what allows people to be chill around me.  If that is true, then I think the reason why that is the case is because I see a part of me in every single person that I have ever met and I treat them as if I’m just meeting another part of myself; someone I can relate to because we share the same experiences.  Think of it as sharing a collective conscious with every single person on this earth.  Even if you will meet that person once for just fractions of a second in passing, I have a connection with that person because we both have the experience of being strangers greeting another stranger that we will probably never see again.  Within that short span of time, we already have something in common that we can relate with; no physical contact needed and even no words are needed in many cases.  It is with this mindset that I approach people and say “Yo, what’s good?”

So to one of the more dope (yes, that’s grammatically correct slang) people that I’ve met in my life that I can relate to – We gotta keep going!  When we think “man, I wish I wasn’t a Jack-of-all-trades and was a master at at least one thing”, just think that there are people who are aspiring to be like US!

Crazy thought, I know…but it’s true.

And even though we consider ourselves medicore/decent/greatbutnotgood at the things that we do, we can always work at getting great.  Yeah, we will have to work harder comparatively to someone who is adept at the attempted situation, but that doesn’t mean we cap our potential by being naturally decent at everything.  Think about it like this; we read stories about guys failing completely (comparatively to someone who starts off relatively decent) at something that they try and then they become hella good by working hard at it.  We are the same as those people, we just have the ability to get to great in half the time it takes them.  Haha nah, but seriously…don’t think that we can’t achieve greater than what we already have achieved based on your own limitations or others’ expectations.

On the completely other side of the coin…

fuck all those people.  Fuck the audience and fuck the puppeteer.  Do what ever the fuck you want and enjoy the hell out of your life.  My apologizes to the sensitive readers, but honestly sometimes you have to put your foot down say “Fuck. This. Shit. I’m doing me.” I’ve seen countless people not embody this mindset when they need it the most and they end up losing motivation to have a happy life.  Come on!  Life is too vast to not enjoy it how you like; therefore, enjoy the hell out of life and don’t let your own feelings and others’ judgements hold you back from what the inner performer within yourself wants to do.

So yeah, The Show Must Go On…

…but from now on, let’s make it our show….

….let’s make it what we want it to be.

Whether you’re on stage with me or not, I’ll be around to give you the encouragement to do what you want without worrying about the puppet master.  And that goes for everyone, whether you know me personally or not.  Don’t worry, we’re all already connected by invisible strings that all affect each other with each action that we take, so let’s enjoy this performance/farce/anarchy together until the curtains fall on us.

PNBE

Snowfield Rhapsody

#master #blogging #puppet #life #control #together