The Real Meaning Behind Snowfield Rhapsody

Once again, this is a blog off the top of my head.

I have stuff written down, but there is too much on my mind.

Since it’s written down, it’ll be there.

Fair warning, this blog may/will be a mess haha.

The language may not be the best either…

I’ll start here then:  Recently, I’ve been having a discussion with various people about the idea that our minds actually not the force behind many of our actions and that in order to overcome bodily actions a certain amount of mental focus is needed.  But, as soon as we relinquish that control, the body takes over again.

For example: the need to eat, sleep, and survive is something that our bodies will do automatically, even without our input.  When we, however, don’t sleep, don’t eat, or put ourselves into danger, we physically override our bodies’ control.  But even when we want to, in most cases, our bodies still win in the long run.  If you don’t eat, sleep, or if one is always in constant danger, then the body fights to take over the mind in order to survive.  An example of this would be someone blacking out/completely shutting down from sleep deprivation, a person becoming delirious when they haven’t had anything to eat/drink, and going insane/paranoid/demented because of the perceived ‘danger’.

The main point of what I’m trying to get at is this:  In this world that we live in now, many times you will have to fight as hard as you can to push through any and all adversity, even if you have to fight against yourself to achieve what you want.

Now of course the question then becomes “is it worth it?”

Well, that’s a relative question and I don’t think one could ever know unless they actually achieved what they were striving for.  Is me staying up all night to work on homework and readings worth the risks to my health?  Is the stress of working worth the stress of playing catch-up with my school work?  Who’s to say.

Most people have a motivation behind things that they do.  Generally, these motivational forces fall under two (if combined, three) classifications:  if they are doing it for themselves, or for someone/something external/separate from themselves.

What motivates your daily actions?

If I were to ask myself the same exact question multiple times, you’d probably get  “to be happy”.  I would say people are motivated to do things based on not wanting to be unhappy, but humans often express an eventual unhappiness for doing repetitive things.

Right now, I’m not exactly sure what brings me happiness.  Sure, I receive temporary pleasure from many different things, but I can’t really think of anything that makes me genuinely happy.  I’m jealous that other people know how to make themselves happy.

My mother once told me a story about a guy who always seemed happy even when he wasn’t.  When asked about why he seemed happy all the time no matter what happened to him, he simply replied “You gotta fake it until you make it”.  I’m not sure how healthy that is, but hey, it worked for him?

The reason why the theme has been focusing on happiness and motivation:  I’m not happy, yet I’m not sad.  I guess the word would be….listless?  No one in my immediate environment makes me particularly happy.  School isn’t making me happy.  Not to say that I don’t have happy moments, but to be in a state of happiness as a….life condition I guess you could say.  (I hesitate to say life condition because I know that word is often used in SGI rhetoric and I’m not necessarily referring to that particular world that coincides with happiness (heaven).)

One could argue that living your life to be happy isn’t the only viable way to live life.  And that is true, there are other ways, but I can’t think of anything better than striving for a life of happiness, and in turn, obtaining that happiness.  Would striving for a life of mediocrity be a better option since it’s more easily obtainable?  Well, only if you were satisfied within that life of mediocrity.  And how long will you stay satisfied with being just satisfied?  If I was satisfied and only satisfied, then I wouldn’t enjoy that life I don’t think.

Right now on my phone (if I haven’t shown it to you already lol) is a picture of my nephew who is now almost 4 months (if not older).  I smile every time I see his scrunched-up face and furled up lips and his grouchy mug because I’ve never seen him smile.  I’m tellin ya, my nephew is an OG on da real haha.  I think babies are the epitome of happiness and I’ve often though of what my life would be if I had a child like so many other of my peers do.

Would I be happier?  Nah, only because I’m not in a position where I would be able to take care of my child like I would want to.  To know that your child is unhappy because you don’t have the means to take care of them when they can’t take care of itself must be the most horrible feeling in the world (if you care about your child that is).  A human being that is physically closer to you than any other person in the world depends on you to LIFE.  And if I wasn’t able to provide because I fucked up when I shouldn’t have…..idk how I could live with myself.

That’s why I put up with what I do, so I can obtain that happiness in the future.  Not the temporary happiness that comes and goes, but the long term one.  A happiness that one would get from having a baby, or having a good wife, or having at least one friend that you could trust with your life.  I feel as though have neither of these at this point in time (at least not the kid n wifey), but staying up late studying, putting up with things that I don’t want to do, dealing with shit, etc. will make it all worthwhile.  Ha, knowing my luck I’ll be stuck with a shitty wife and a smart-ass son with an anger problem, but please don’t take that joking statement seriously because I would never want to wish such unhappiness upon anyone, especially not myself.

So to bring this all back, regardless of what people think, I want to provide happiness to the people that I want in the future and to the people around me in the present.  My motivation then would be external because I would be doing this for others, not necessarily for myself.  Yeah yeah, I’m pretty sure someone will later come up to me and say “that’s not a healthy way to live” or “you deserve to be happy” or something among those lines.  I’m well aware of the implications of living my life this way.  But.  I believe that if you create an atmosphere of happiness around you that spreads out into your environment, then there is a higher chance of becoming happy until you can find something that will genuinely make you happy.

So all this school work that robs me of sleep, all these challenges that I’m facing, and everything else that stands in the way of me doing me- HA! You ain’t got shit on me because I’mma get mines no matter what it takes.  I’ll fight against my body, other people, and even the world if I have to to do what I need to do in order for me to live the life that I want to live- one of happiness.  I do not know what will make me happy right now in the present, but I do know that the future always has the possibly of alleviating that problem.

Now for the explanation of the title- most people have a user name for their blog that isn’t their government name.  Usually it’s a name that appeals to them specifically; in my case this would be the moniker Snowfield Rhapsody.  I came across the word in something I was reading (manga, book, etc.) and I thought about it and subsequently began to like it.  Hmm….let’s see if you can see why I chose this name for my blogging name.  Think about this for a sec:

What are the first words that come to ya head when you think of the name?

Snow.

An open field.

Music, maybe?

I think I interpret Snowfield Rhapsody differently than what maybe most people would initially interpret it.

I think of Snowfield Rhapsody as not a name, but as an object.

What would a Snowfield Rhapsody sound like if it was song?

What would a Snowfield Rhapsody look like if it was a painting?

What would a Snowfield Rhapsody feel like when you experienced it?

When I think of these questions, whether I think of Snowfield Rhapsody as being a song or a painting or phenomenon that can be experienced, the mental images are always different every time.

And this concept of what this word can represent adequately describes Me.

With every day, every hour, and every second that has ever passed, I am not the same as I am now.

The idea of who James Shonin Kelly III is changes all the time, just like the idea of Snowfield Rhapsody changes in my head every time I think about it.

Literally and Symbolically- I am Snowfield Rhapsody.

Peace N Be Easy

Snowfield Rhapsody

#name #babies #happiness #moniker #life #time