Prioritizing Exhaustion | Exhausting Priorities

Yesterday while chilling with my homies Onye and Granville, I heard a song that pretty much sums up what I’m trying to do in my life:  Drake – Successful.  It’s been a lil minute since I heard the song and hearing it again at that particular point in time made me think about what I consider to be successful, how will I know when I’m successful, have I ever been successful, and what will it take for me to be successful.  Today, while I was thinking about it, I came upon the concept of priorities and realized that they pretty much go hand in hand in some sort of dyadic relationship that I haven’t previously examined.

Here is how I’ve decided to define priorities:  important people/things/ideas/etc. that you want to protect/maintain/etc. over other things that one deems less important, or rather, less imperative to act upon more so than the previously mentioned items.  Also, at least for me and my purposes, the ultimate goal of even having priorities in the first place is to make my life easier and happier.  The priorities I’ll be focusing on in this particular blog will be goals (big surprise I know).  Actually, now that I think about it, this blog will just focus on my priorities in general and if that takes me into my goals, then so be it.  After thinking about this for a good bit, I’ll list these 3 top priorities even though all the other ones are important regardless.

1. Health

2. School

3. Music

Excluding Music, the other two I’ve talked about already extensively in other blogs.  Instead, I’ll talk about music as a change of pace to prevent repetitiveness.  I would say that music is what makes me the happiest at this point in time.  Being in love is the only thing that feels better than music, and even then music has the ability to make love even more euphoric.  I’m sure that people see me around campus with my headphones on frequently and that’s because I’m too busy listening to the thump of the base in syncopation with the flam-taps on the snare drums, which is accented perfectly with the occasional erratic  crash of the cymbols (and this is just the precussion section- not even getting into the rhythm section), all creating this tension that builds up into a moment of pure bliss – people that listen to progressive house/hardstyle/hardcore/techno/electro/dubstep/etc. know this moment as The Drop.  Then after this moment of pure bliss, when the music kicks back in, it’s now something completely brand new that invokes a physical bodily reaction from you.  You can even have this moment in rap music as well (see Drake – Fancy (beginning of the 3rd verse)).

Being involved in music since 6th grade, music has had numerous implications upon my life in addition to the normal effects experienced by human being in general.  Since college, however, I’ve been too stressed out and focused on other things to actively participate in music.  But now that I’m thinking about priorities, why is something that makes me so happy as music not a priority?  I feel as though I am able to experience/interpret and interact with music differently than many other people who have not had the same experiences in music as I have, so why I have I pushed it away?  Nah, not anymore.  I’ve learned that music is a very important aspect of my life; to just let it waste away or to treat it as if it is some insignificant part of my life is just cheating my own self out of happiness.

There’s just this one problem though….

I’m exhausted.

I’m physically weary and drained from everything that is going on around me and I have no idea how I even have the energy to even think right now.  Here’s the thing though – to me, it seems like I’m so exhausted because no one seems to be willing to meet me at least a quarter of the way in terms of effort.  Damn, why can’t I just have my music – which makes me happy, a significant other – one that I can take on the whole world with hand in hand and with a smile, my family – the ones that have shaped me to be who I am today, and friends – ones who I would give anything for and would do the same and more if asked?  I’m so envious/jealous…happy for people that have or can easily obtain these things because I seem to be surrounded by people such as this.  In turn, they motivate me to achieve/strive for that same status even though things often tend to come more difficult for me than others.

“Everything takes work” – but how do I know if I’m suppose to be working this hard on things that shouldn’t feel like…work?  If I think I’m doing my part, don’t I have the right to say/think/express that I’m tired and I would like a little assistance when I feel that things are uneven without sounding like a douche bag/asshole/dick?  Is James Shonin Kelly III the one preventing the ideal situation stated above, or is it others?  Maybe people are telling me the answers I want to know in ways that I’m not able to understand.  And when I ask for honesty from people about me, it’s either held-back, based on a misunderstanding, or a lie.  That may just be me projecting though.  I guess the real question is simply how much do I and my environment affect my priorities/happiness?

Am I prioritizing exhaustion by incorrectly going about my goals?

Or am I exhausting my priorities by over-thinking things?

Snowfield Rhapsody

#school #dreams #priorities #hopes #life #college #goals