New Direction

I think I’m going to try and take my writing and do something a little different.  Just a little tweak is all; I think I want to share more with my readers while attracting new readers.  What I’ve learned is that if one person that you trust, or multiple people that you don’t know well, talk to/question/inquire you about something specific, then that means other people probably can pick up on it as well.  A good friend of mines is always happy when I produce a blog that isn’t sad/depressing.  I’ve already come to claims that my perception of subjective things/relative terms/ambiguous terms (i.e. emotions, what at point is a person’s voice elevated enough to be considered yelling, etc.) is usually different from almost everyone that I know, so if even if I think I haven’t been sad/depressing in my blog posts as frequently as I’ve been told, from knowing this about myself I think I’d be better off listening to them.

Therefore:

I’d like to start writing with some purpose now.

You see…you’re about to take a journey with me.

Where will this journey lead?

….your guess is as a good as mine.

If you’ve been with me since the Death of James Shonin Kelly III, then this is somewhat of a continuation of that; more-so among the lines of bringing it back, refining it, and accelerating forward.  This time, I have defined goals to work towards:

1. Increasing communication – I gotta work on this more socially and digitally.  I’m often working/on the move doing things so it’s difficult to connect with people in the way that I want.  The key to that is getting over my fear of people’s power over me.  For example, I absolutely HATE checking emails, voice messages, etc.  Because it’s usually people only wanting something (bad) from me or to tell me where I fucked up or how they are going to fuck me over in some way.  Think about it, if was something good it would usually come in the form of a wall comment on FB, blog comment, or contact through a text message, etc. if it wasn’t for that reason.  Nevertheless, society chooses to communicate through these (inconvenient) means, so if I don’t want to stay in trouble like I already am, then I gotta do this…

2. Exercising, Sleeping, and Eating Right – I have to conserve energy for my classes, homework, exercising, work, and being social.  Most of the week I’m awake by 6:30 am and get off of work around 12:30am-ish.  It doesn’t help doing hw up until 4 a.m. at some nights, but that’s why I gotta get it together so that I can have the energy to do the things that I want.  There is no shittier feeling in the world than doing a whole bunch of things that you don’t want to do, then, when you actually get to the fun things, you have no time to do them.  This lifestyle is how adults become boring and become to live a life full of regrets, and I’m not going to be one of those people.

3. Doing the things that I love – this is one that I’ve struggled with/still struggling with.  Up until a few mins ago, I’ve been hesitant to do the things that I’ve wanted due to what others my think of me or maybe because I think I’d fail at it.  Now, I realize that that way of thinking isn’t one that will get me anywhere.  Yes, you have to STRATEGICALLY (doing these things without strategy is just being an asshole) kiss ass and conform to your surroundings in order to get where you want to go, but only to a certain extent (ex. teachers, employers, etc.).  As for me, I’m narrowing my focus on me.  I’m the most important person on this earth that I should concentrate on because if I’m not taken care of, how can I help the others who have made me who I am today?  Yeah, because of this I may become a different person, but I won’t become an asshole; I’m just going to become what I need to be – an adult.  I can’t let my issues with people affect where I want to go in life, therefore, in order for my benefit, I will just choose not to deal with them like I have in the past.

Of course there is no end to self-improvement (trust me, there are more things that I will be working on, but I’ll reveal those in the immediate future).  I’m not a kid anymore, therefore, the notion of “You get what you put into it” doesn’t have to be believed by me.  What I mean by that is that I’m prepared to work excruciatingly hard at something for a small gain if that’s what it takes to get to where I want to go.  Maybe no one understands my concern for time, but trust me when I say that I’m going to enjoy what little bit of it I have left in this world.

For the people who will be there for me during that point in time, thank you.  I don’t know how much my promises are valued, but with serious ones like this I make it a point to keep to them as closely as possible.

PNBE

Snowfield Rhapsody