Introduction of Rhapzodic

If a lot of y’all are a little bit confused about what’s going on then I can understand that.

Introducing Rhapzodic to you now will slightly make things more coherent, I promise.

Rhapzodic is different from Snowfield Rhapsody because “Snowfield Rhapsody” the name of the entire blog site.

However, to ease confusion going forward, I want to differentiate between what’s going to happen in the SR narrative and what’s happening on the actual blog site – Snowfield Rhapsody (SR) is the moniker that I (James) assume when writing “The Fox and the Fairy – A Snowfield Rhapsody”.

Any blog related posts that are not associated with SR rhetoric will be posted as Rhapzodic.

This change will be reflected when you go through the College Years part of the blog.

If you see the author as SR, then it belongs with the Snowfield Rhapsody story; If you see Rhapzodic, then it is standalone. (I’ll play around with the navigation menu once I assign all past blogs with the proper author)

The revival of this blog, me getting it together with these monikers, reorganizing everything content-wise, etc. – it is somewhat of a klusterfuk because that’s how my head is working right now.

This whole existential depression thing… it sucks.

And it’s been something I’ve been fighting since I was a child and I didn’t even know (how could I have?) until a couple of months ago. On top of that I definitely have attention issues due to the nature of how my brain works (seems to be common in omni-potential people).

If I were to give myself a psychological evaluation, I would diagnose myself with Existential Depression (Ex-D) with some childhood trauma with ADD tendencies. I would love to actually go to a psychologist/psychotherapist and have this confirmed, but American Healthcare systems do not allow me to do so while being absolutely destitute. In my capacity as a Social Behavioral Sciences focused B.A. degree holder, I will view myself in this capacity as I blog.

Childhood Background Time:

From as far back as I can remember I have experienced life as an ‘observer’ – I’d see the world around me and see how people acted in that world. If somebody wanted something, then I would watch their course of actions, what specifically they did to obtained it, and processed how I could do the same for myself if circumstances were the same. Therefore I’m definitely much more of a ‘wise’ person than a ‘smart’ person by nature.

Since I’m a 90s kid, I was also heavily influenced by television and video games; being the intellectually minded person that I am, of course I was enthralled with concepts that far exceeded the capacity of most other people around my age. When I would see actions that would not make sense to me and would ask my Elders, “Why did so and so do x, y, and z if _____ taught me a,b, and c?” without hesitation. I would get super pissed off when I got the answer of, “Because I/an adult said so!” and best believe that’s the one I got a lot of times. It made me sad that they would not allow me to think like them just because they were older than me.

I think one of the first clear signs of my Ex-D was when I was about 9 or 10 or so and I was upset about something that I wasn’t allowed to do because I was a child.

Being fed up I basically said, “What’s the point of living if I can’t do what I want? Wouldn’t it be easier to just get a knife in end it all?” – And in my mind I was seriously pondering this existentially because I was always taught to not be afraid of death. (Y’all will learn that I’m a pretty naive person at my core and also pretty biased towards optimism)

Therefore, if I should not be afraid of death,I cannot rush time to be an adult, and, because I’m a kid, I’m not allowed to understand the answer because “an adult said so”, and if one should really die for their beliefs (e.g. monks, Jesus, etc.), then isn’t it okay to die for my own?

Yeah, I was that kid.

Even until this day I’ve never considered suicide as a viable option for me because I have way too much pride (I’m a Leo if that tells you anything) to allow myself to die in a shit position – To be whipped by life to the point of throwing in the towel.

Fuck that, why the fuck do I have to roll over and ‘die’ like a fucking dog just because ‘life’ says to do so?!

Destiny can kiss my ass cuz I choose my own fate.

But…I completely understand that not everybody has that sort of resolve (努力) innately; it is specifically for those people that I want to share my struggles with.

Black people still don’t have the healthiest relationship with mental health issues, therefore not many people around me care that I even have Ex-D. To be 100% real, a lot of people still think I’m just bullshiting about this – that is just some intellectual bullshit that I just happened to be fixated on that the time.

And sadly, that’s how a lot of people in the world still feel about people that do have depression.

That they’re just attention-seekers because of course they are they’re fucking lonely. It’s when they stop asking for attention is when they’re at their most critical and I don’t know why people fail to take that next step in their line of thinking when dealing with “attention seekers”.

Maybe they secretly just want them to die and then wash their hands of the situation because they don’t have to use any (more) of their time, energy, and/or money on this person.

I’m okay accepting not reality…however, not many people are, so they choose to lose to cognitive dissonance instead.

Full disclosure:

This summer, after the summer solstice, through…spiritual means (that I’ll get into later…one day…maybe) I became awoken to the Fox and the Fairy idea.

Over the years I’ve been asked by several people to write about the exploits of my life since people like me typically don’t end up having a life that I’ve had. The Fox and the Fairy (F&F) is not only a loose autobiography but it is also a story on unconditional love.

Yes the fox character will go through many things that are fact, fiction, or some strange combination of both from my own life – with that said, I don’t want the character to just be relatable to just me. Therefore, I want the fox’s gender to remain genderless and I just want people to attach themselves to any characteristic that they find relatable in the Fox. The same goes for the Fairy as well and the fairy’s character and their relationship with the Fox.

I have carpal tunnel syndrome at the age of 27, or at least the onset of it, so I’m using voice dictation in order to type my blogs.

Because of that I’m able to get them out much quicker; I don’t want them to become too long to the point to where you’re just uninterested though so I’ll end Rhapzodic’s intro here for now.

If you want to get a head start on what’s to come and you don’t know me personally then read through the College Years to get a sense of what kind of person I have been and currently am.

And be forewarned, I’m going to be getting into a lot of crazy shit and things I will make you question my own sanity because I do it every single day.

Nice to meet you all, my name is Rhapzodic, and I look forward to going down this rabbit hole with you.

(This will be considered “Authored by Snowfield Rhapsody” but will be the first post in the Rhapzodic tab once it’s up on the navigation menu)

#Fox #Existential #Fairy #Depression #FampF #ExD #Introduction