Holy Fuck, What Am I Doing In My Life?!

What is this feeling…..

is this……

……happiness?

….what?

I’m scared….

this feeling….

…….

……….

I love it.

I love it.

I love it?

I love it….

I love it!

Readers, quick:  What do you want to do for the rest of your life?

-If you answered “I Don’t Know”: That’s fine and I hope you  do find what you want to do.

-If you answered “I’m doing it already”: Then we are about to become good friends

This whole year the question has been “What do you wanna do after Soka?”.

And today, I think I answered that question for myself.

This is the scary part though….this plan will affect one whole year of my life.  So basically, the 22nd year of my life will be affected by this one decision.  And who knows where this will lead the rest of my life, but I do know that it will be monumental in determining who James Shonin Kelly III is and will be.

Well, here is the plan:

– After graduation – Once I get an A on my Capstone and graduate with a decent GPA, I want to live in Japan for a year.  The means of achieving that haven’t been reached yet, but if I have to teach English for a year, then I’ll do it.  But, whatever the stipulations are, it cannot be longer than one year.  I do not plan on living in Asia unless I have a wife/child, the US economy collapses, etc. – basically something very significant keeping me there, for more than a year.

Reasons for this decision:  Honestly, I’ve discovered many things that make me happy and that I can make money from depending on my skill and resources.  However, I cannot choose just one to do as a long-term pursuit without completely (or almost) erasing the other things out of my life.  My three likes:

1) Studying People

2) Making Music

3) Meeting People and Foreign Language

It was told to me that if you have things that you like and can make money from it, then do it till your heart’s content and enjoy the ride.  I would say that I’ve grown from limiting my options by thinking about how my life will be if I pursue these dreams and will just dive head-first into them.  I’m not afraid anymore because these are things that a) can’t be taken away from me by anyone and b) make me happy.

Benefits of this decision:  With this year’s time, I’ll be able to fulfill all three of these things.  By having alone time to start from nothing, I’ll be able to be in a semi-controlled environment for me to experiment in what I want to do with the rest of my life.  For example, during this time I will be studying Psychology while studying for the GRE.  At night, maybe I can have a DJ job to help pay the bills to see if that’s a venue I’m willing to go down as a career path.  Fuck, I have time to explore and make sure that don’t make any unwasteful decisions.  Time is not only precious, but it is also money = something I don’t want to fuck around with.  My time on this earth is the most important thing that I have and how I choose to spend it is, therefore, very important.  Being more aware of that, I’ve come to this decision of moving to Japan for a year and then seeing where I wanna go with my life from there.

Who knows?  I could wake up tomorrow and say, “Wtf was I thinking, spending a year of my life in Japan?”.  Or I could still be like, “Yeah, I’m going to live in Japan to get my life together. Dope.”  Or I could be hit by a car walking to the gym or something.  You never know these things with life, so why not just go with the flow?

That’s what I’m chosing to do.  Will it be the right decision for my life?  Who knows.  I have no idea what the future holds, but for some reason I’m in the mindset of running head-first towards whatever dreams I have without stopping no matter what adversities I encounter.  Whether that is being a clinical Psychologist treating a troubled teen or playing an hour and a half set in front of thousands of people, I Will Succeed At What I Choose To Do And Will Have Fun Doing It.

And that’s all there is to it.

As for now, many voices are calling for my attention (music, Japan, etc.) but I think I’ll listen to the voice of my bed and hit up sleep for now.  Thanks for reading.

PNBE

Snowfield Rhapsody

#school #decisions #happiness #stress #life #college