Dear Life

Before I go to bed, I thought I’d write you a little letter to ease my thoughts.  First of all, especially most recently, I’ve been bothering you with a lot of questions; my bad about that.  And I’ll be honest with you, I think of you as a test.  If you were worth 100 points, I’m pretty sure that when I attempt to take you I only get about 50%.  A 50 is definitely better than a 0 but there is still a whole complete other half that’s lost.  During the span of our relationship that we will have, I want to believe that I can do anything.  However, trying to do anything at all can be difficult with you giving me lemons all the time AND when you snatch those lemons away when I try to make lemonade with them.

*sigh* I love what you can do for me yet I hate all the responsibility you place on me.  I hate you for the precious things you’ve stripped from within my grasps.  And I especially hate you the fucked up things you will do to me in the future.  Be that as it may, I hate and love you because of how fair you are.  People say that you aren’t fair, but I think I’m slowly realizing now that that’s actually incorrect.  See, the truth is that you’re brutally fair that we just wish that you weren’t so that we could have a scapegoat for our issues and explanations for things that we don’t  rationally accept.  Sure, I got that job that I wanted, but someone else didn’t.  Yeah, I got to stay in Japan when others didn’t, but then I ran out of money.  Give or take, in whatever form it makes sense to the person interpreting this relationship, is the ultimate fairness that we can’t hate, yet can’t love.

Man, I feel as if I’m in a Day and Night blog post here…just with less questions…

As if I’m in some relationship with a female that loves to hate me and hates to love me, I’ve tried to play the victim and the hero.  Now I’m fine with that, because that relationship with you is now in the past.  Now, it’s time for you to pick up where I left off and to lead me in this little dance that we’ve seem to be bound by due to the tune called time.  That’s right, I’m no longer afraid of you, because you can have your way with me; I’m giving  you my all and wherever you lead me, that’s where I’ll go.

If I close my eyes right now, outstretch my arms beside me, and fell straight backwards as if doing a trust exercise, my bed would break my fall.  Can I trust you to break my fall the next time I’m falling?

We’ll see, won’t we?

With a mixture of malice and love,

Snowfield Rhapsody

#dear #letter #life #thoughts