Day And Night

I’m so tired all the time that I’m always fightin to stay awake….

….yet I’m always so restless, always wanting to do something and regrettin every time I stop to rest.

I’m always good, doin my best to do me….

….yet I always have my hand outreached lookin for that someone to help pull me up to where I wanna be.

Forever wanting to express myself, even if no one listens….

….but even when I’m heard, I’m never actually truly heard.

So much potential…

…still…I withhold it, just in case…..

What am I talking about?

I’m talking about James Shonin Kelly III.

I’m talking about Me; which is Day and Night.

Day and Night is synonymous with my life just as symmetry is both equal and opposite within it’s own self.

To help you understand who James Shonin Kelly III is, I’ll play out my thoughts in the form of verbal tennis.  If you’re not familiar with verbal tennis, it goes a little something like this:  You can only respond in questions and you must carry out a conversation.  And what by itself doesn’t count as a question.  How about we get this match started?  Oh, and when you read, imagine two opponents rallying with each other as if it was a tennis match.

Here we go.

What would be a good topic to talk about?

Do you think that expanding on the title like you were doing in the first paragraph would be a bad place to start?

Should I continue where I left off or should I start something new based on where I was originally going to take this?

Does it matter?

Is it not the job of a blog writer to write in a way that appeals to their audience?

Why don’t you just write whatever comes to mind and let them interpret it the way that it comes out?

Do you think that I do not have to filter my thoughts?

True, but why don’t you just write about what day and night means without revealing anything you aren’t suppose to?

Ok, why don’t we move onto something more interesting than this warm-up rebuttal?

Alright then, are you ready to play?

Why don’t we start after this sentence that I’m currently typing right now?

Word, so going back to this day and night, how does this relate to your life?

Would feeling like everything that you are is conflicting with each other be similar to day and night?

Can you give me an example?

Hmmm…what do you think about me having so many things to say, yet because of the people I am around I have to dumb myself down or quiet what I say to make life easier?

Would you rather have life easier for you than to speak out what you have to say?

Does it matter whether I do that or not if no one truly understands what you say anyway?

Well what is it that you truly want to say?

Hmm…would you believe me if I said that I don’t know what I really want to say?

So you want to say something, but you don’t know what you want to say?

Now are you starting to see why my life is like day and night?

Isn’t that example kind of….flimsy to pass off as a viable example to compare your life to day and night?

Did I say that I was done explaining myself?

Let me ask this then; how can people know who you really are if you can’t say what you want to say and whatever you do say you feel that they aren’t fully understanding what you mean?

Don’t you think I have thought about this already?

So you don’t have a solution to this problem?

Well….does having a hypothesis count as a solution?

Does it solve the problem?

Do you think that by showing people through your actions who you are will suffice as a viable answer to my dilemma?

Will your actions always reflect the kind of person that you actually are?

If they don’t, how could I show them why I did what I did if they aren’t really hearing me as it is?

Does it matter if people have an accurate portrait of who you really are?

You don’t think life is easier when you are understood completely?

What if it’s impossible for anyone to fully understand you?

Should I not try and never know if I will ever be understood?

Is it your fault that you aren’t being understood or is it the one trying to understand that’s at fault?

Can it be both of our faults?

Bullshit, which one do you think it is?

How can I know whether I’m loud enough, whether I’m speaking in the right language, whether I am phrasing it right, whether I am implying the correct things, whether I’m speaking clearly enough, whether my body language is saying something else, whether they know the words that I’m using, or……whether they are even  listening or….if they even care or not?

Is that why you blog; so you can adequately express everything you have to say?

If you know everything, then why ask me these questions?

Is asking questions not the nature of the game?

Why is it that you know the answers to the questions that you ask me, yet I know the questions that you are going to ask me?

Do you not have a better understanding of who I am by asking me questions?

Since we are one and the same, can one be as contradictive as us and still have a sense of who they are?

Can talking to one’s self give people an idea of what they are like?

Only if they accept that by constantly questioning and answering one’s self is key to understanding oneself and hopefully by showing people this game will they be able to get a glimpse of what goes on inside of my head 24/7.

You know that’s 15-0, right Day?

Yeah, I know Night…

This a brief example of how a game of verbal tennis would go down in my head.

My bad if it doesn’t make sense or is annoying to read.

Anyways…

I’m in the mood to give out shout outs.  Not only do I need to get my brain to stop thinking in questions, but I want people to realize that I’ve been listening and learning from almost everything that they have had to say and that by listening and learning that I have come to, what I feel, understand what kind of person they want to be.  Of course, this is determined by both what I see and what I hear, so I feel as though I may have a better picture of what a person wants to be seen as rather than basing it off what I just see or hear.

I’ll start off with my upperclassmen that took care of me when I got to Soka:

Zane Romano- Thank you for not only being a model of how I should be at Soka, but for bein an older brother to me.  Even when we didn’t hang out as much as we used to after first semester, you were still there lookin out for me.  You will never know how much you helped me out and I know you doin ya thang where ever you are in life.

Wandile-  My second older brother, you were also the other person that I looked up to, whether for guidance or to just watch ya swag, I appreciate you lookin out for me like you did.  You once told me that you thought I could do great things…well, maybe I can, but just know that if I do then you are one of the people that helped me to that greatness.

Yuko Tomita-  You embody everything that a guy could ever want in a woman- beauty, intelligence, and a hella cool personality.  Thank ya much for chillin with me and bein cool peoples.  Good luck on ya dissertation and I hope to hear from ya soon.

Sonal Malkani-  What up my sista?  I miss kickin it in ya room, chillin and talkin about whatever came to mind.  I haven’t talked to you in a good min, but hopefully we can change that sometime soon.  Continue to do what you do and keep inspirin people with ya Buddaful soul.

Stanley Henderson-  I see you up on ya wordpress gettin ya daily words in.  I thank you for keeping me on my toes, both mentally and physically.  You taught me to question everything and I also consider you my older brother.  I hope you are doin well and hit me up when you get a chance, ya?

Carley Martin-  You keep it real and tell it like it is, and I appreciate that so much.  I know you still here at Soka, but you were there for me since the beginning, and I don’t want you to think that I forgot.  Let’s kick it more when I get back and keep doin what you do.

Onye Ndubusi-  You are one of the people who encouraged me to start up this blog, so you know I had a shout-out for ya.  Thank ya for all da support you’ve given me in my quest to find the answers to my questions.  We have one more semester together, so let’s really make it count.  I enjoy reading every one of your blogs and I always check everyday for a new one, so please continue to write, iight?

Candice Cadena-  You are my homegirl for real haha.  I know things were a lil weird between us at first, but now you are my best friend (and equal, don’t question it lol) and I can’t wait to come back and kick it with you.  Thank you for always looking out for me, even if we disagreed on your methods lol.

Ok, this blog is long enough and I have to run somewhere unexpectedly so I’ll continue the shout outs tomorrow.  I still have a lot to go, so look out for ya name.  This isn’t in any particular order and please pass along this link to the people listed in this blog.

I hope you enjoyed and I’ll catch yall tomorrow.

P N B E

James Shonin Kelly III