Can I Have A Nibble, Please?

There are many ways one can interpret the  cliche stating, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”.  For example, literally – maybe you’re too full for cake (even though there is technically always room for cake); metaphorically – you can’t always have what you want.

In the sense of this blog, I’m going to loosely refer to both of these interpretations.

Now, as for what exactly cake is, there are many definitions as well.  Money, the act of talking to a love one (ex. caking), the actual dessert, etc.  As for my interpretation, I’ll just leave it up to reader speculation.

Slowly but surely, things are coming into place.  My money situation should be taken care of in the next few days, got some food to eat, I’m in Japan, and I’m also starting to understand this language at lot better.  However, in spite of my optimism, nagging pessimism is just something that I can’t seem to get rid of no matter how positive I tell myself to be.  I tell myself that what-ifs never happen in the past, only in the future but sometimes no matter how much I tell myself that…it just doesn’t work.

I think human emotions are things that shouldn’t be suppressed rather than feelings that you should be judicious in acting upon.  With that being said, that doesn’t prevent them from being a bitch sometimes though.  I made a promise to myself to not bring up anyone specifically or directly in my blogs just because of the public nature of the internet and this particular blog, but it seems as though, compared to others, that they are gettin theirs and savoring every bite of it.

I wanna be like them.  I wanna have my cake and eat it too.  I wanna speak Japanese fluently, with the dope friends, with the girl/guy that makes them happy, without worrying about how much they are spending, etc.

I could every waking second stuffing Japanese into my head – then I could be way more fluent than I am, but then I wouldn’t be hanging out with friends and enjoying Japan to the fullest.

I could spend all my time with a few good homies and have hella fun doing things – that way I could solidify the new friends that I’ve made, but then I would probably be closed off to meeting new friends and potentially missing out on people that will become important to my life in the future.

I could try my absolute hardest and try to settle for any girl that happens to come my way – that way I wouldn’t be single, but then I could end up either getting someone that I won’t be happy with or be so wrapped up in that relationship that everything else around me will be affected.

As for spending money without worry – I sort of did something similar to that already and it left me eating one bowl of ramen a day as my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for almost two weeks.

Maybe I ask for too much.  Maybe…some people aren’t suppose to eat cake.  Should I be satisfied just being in the presence of cake, in whatever form it may be, without indulging in it?  Should I just be thankful that I have cake at all?  Or…should I risk a nibble?  Is just having a slight taste of its goodness worth the risk of it being taken away altogether?  Is there some specific way I’m suppose to eat it that I don’t get?

Having one nibble would be the icing on my cake, yet I feel life is telling me that if I try to reach for my fork it’ll be taken away.

*sigh*

Snowfield Rhapsody