As Soon As You Trust Anyone, You’re Fucked AKA Don’t Fall For The ‘Hoe Tricks&#821

On the real, if you do it you’re done.

It’s better to live as if everyone you know will violate your trust in one way or another.  Why?  Because then you will always be cautious with what you let people know.

Let me say this:  you are always being watched.  By everyone.  Everything you do is always monitored.  Especially in this day and age where everything is electronic.

*sigh* I’ve been wanting to talk about trust in this blog for the past couple of days, but the words that I’ve wanted to say fail to appear in my head to put down on paper.

Hmm….ok, let me try talking around what I really want to say….

Trust.

I believe that humans are social creatures that depend upon each other for various things.  As creatures of this nature, naturally, although some more hesitantly than others, people depend on each other for various things.  Trust is one of these things.

Ok, I’ll move on to me and trust.  I know that I can’t expect for someone to be 100% trustworthy.  Unfortunately I don’t live in an environment where Trustworthiness is a virtue…..or at least valued as something worthy of being worshiped.

For example, since I’ve been back on campus I’ve heard people talk about each other behind their backs and people telling other people information that wasn’t suppose to get out.

Just to put it out there, I’m scared as fuck right now.

I’m so scared that it’s almost borderline paranoia/anxiety.  I felt like this once when I was in high school after a situation happened and no one was on my side to help me out.  At that time, I knew what true fear was and I never wanted to feel that feeling again.

Now it’s almost the same way as back then.  I walk around thinking “Damn, that was fucked up what you said about that person even though you just greeted and spoke to them as if nothing was up”.  Now, as for me, I do not think that trust directly translates to just what you tell other people.

I trust my homies to have my back.  This sort of trust sort of coincides with loyalty, but I have a problem with the loyalty word because sometimes loyalty can be tricky when it involves more than one friend that share the same friends.

I know why writing this blog is tough, because there are many things that I want to say that I can’t say due to trust conflicts.

I’ll put it like this and I’ll hop up off of this trust subject (and I’ll put this as bluntly as possible):

1. Facebook, WordPress, etc. is public domain.  Even though you own the stuff you put up, any and everyone can see it.  Trust and believe that people is gonna see what you put out there, even if you yourself didn’t put it up there.  Your actions online reflect what kind of person you are believe it or not.  And anyone can have access to a computer.  Even people you don’t want.  So don’t get caught up.

2. Everyone has different expectations on what they want from someone.  Make it known what you want out the relationship and if you ain’t gettin yours out of it, then try to reach a conclusion or toss up the deuces.

3. You confide things with ya homie.  Who do they confide with?  Their homies.  And who do they confide with?  Their homies.  See how easy it is for someone to trust someone else not to tell something.  But there is no point if everyone is trusting everyone else to say something that everyone already knows.  If you know something, keep it only to yourself.  Period.  Even if you have to tell your best homie that you can’t open ya lips, keep that shit to yaself or just tell that person not to trust you with that specific info.

4. Don’t trust anyone.

I don’t even know if I can trust myself right now.  Nah, not on anything suicidal or anything like that, but I’m starting to question my own actions since I keep hearing the same things from different people about various things.  When do you stick up for what you believe?  At what point should you consider that you could possibly be doing something wrong and that other people are right?  Is that what a man is; someone who stands up for what he believes, even if he may be wrong?

Ok, I’m done with that.

Now on to me.

I have many things to do in a short period of time and I’m upset with myself on how I’ve been approaching my responsibilities so far.  But at least now I know what I don’t need to be doing in order to get where I want.  And I’ll be alright, I just have to focus.

People ask me, “How can you stay positive all the time?”  Well, I came to this conclusion:  I just try to live life happy.  I spend my life turning everything that negatively happens to me into some way that will push me towards being happy.  Trust me, doing this is a full-time, 24/7 job because WAY more bad things happen to me than good things.  And I delude myself into thinking that I’m afraid of being alone when actually I already feel as if I am alone right now.  But my happiness is never false because I enjoy every moment that I am not suffering.  Who knows when the next time I will be happy, or sad for that matter, so I just enjoy the happiness while it’s there for it’s temporary visit.

This isn’t addressed to anyone specifically, but to a specific group of people who this is for:  Sorry I’m not perfect.  I’m sorry that I change and grow.  I’m sorry that I can’t be set in one way forever and never change.  I’m sorry that I don’t make any sense sometimes.  I’m sorry I sound angry all the time.  I’m sorry for ever making a mistake.  I’m sorry that I can’t say exactly what I mean.  I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want.  I’m sorry that I cuss a lot.  I’m sorry that I made that happen.  I’m sorry for being the cause of your unhappiness.

But guess what.

That’s me.

I could apologize all day, but if you don’t accept me for who I am and understand that I am human and that you are human as well and I accept you for all of your faults (keep in mind that I don’t bring them up all the time like you do), then we have a problem.  I have issues in my life right now, but best believe I’mma bout to solve them real quick-like this week.

And to this trust thing, man…..I just don’t know.  Do me and stay out of trouble?  That’s the best plan that I can think of at this point.

I’ll say this last thing and I’ll end this.

Back in high school, my homie Nyce said don’t fall for the hoe tricks.  Everyone knows what hoe tricks are, but yet everyone falls for them.  In a proper definition of hoe tricks, I guess you could define them as well-known and obvious methods of deception used by people.  (For me and my homie’s intents and purposes, we adopted a more….literal translation of the phrase haha)  The ones you trust?  They probably told ya biz.  Either be fine with it or confront it, but don’t feign ignorance please.

Hmm….I think I’ll delve into the ‘hoe tricks’ more in future blogs, but for now I’mma hit the sheets and blog more hopefully tomorrow.

P N B E

James Shonin Kelly III

#deception #highschool #trust #self #friends #college