An Update on my Health

During this past summer, I stated that I would focus on my health this semester.  Thinking back on my mental state back during the summer and comparing it to now, I would say that progress has been made.  How much progress?  That varies from each area of health that I tried to focus on.

Physical– I’ve progressed a little bit since the summer (dropped 20 lbs, mostly water weight tho), but I’m dealing with certain new problems that have risen within the past month.  I won’t get into details here because I don’t want people to worry, but just know that things are getting taken care of.  Eating healthy is still disgusting because all the things that make it taste good/amazing will ultimately kill me.  It’s all good though, I do have a new appreciation for bagels from my wanting of better tasting things haha.

Social– Hmm….I don’t think much progress has been made on this ground, but at least some has.  I’m no way near as outgoing as I was my Freshman year, however, I’ve hung out with a good variety of people this semester.  I’ve made some new friends, strengthened some, and have a better understanding of ones that I have been questioning.  I’ve been a lot more secluded this semester as well though.  It’s easy to just go in ya room and close the door when you have a suite, especially when you don’t really have people to chill with on a consistent basis.  I’ve grown out of touch with my people skills a bit as well. *sigh* I didn’t want that to happen, but on the real I’m tired of forcing a rapport between me and my professors just to get a passing grade.  I normally don’t do it to get a passing grade, but this semester seems like it was necessary (for at least one class it is) for me to even attempt to pass.  But I’ve swallowed my pride and I’m making it a point to do what is told and do the usual.

Mental– this is the place where I’ve made the most/least progress.  I say both because I’ve made great gains in this area by being exposed to many different thought processes.  The problem is…..I still do not know how to think myself.  I do know that most of the things that I’ve learned, either on my own or taught, have to be thrown away if I want to stay at this university and to achieve my personal goals.  So as it stands right now, my mind is currently congruent to that of a child in the sense of just trying new things all the time.  I would say that I’m trying to listen to myself more than I ever have in my life.  I already know how to watch people, but self-examination is where I really need to breakthrough.  Knowing what motivates me, why I react the way I do towards things, what are my best traits, what aren’t my best traits, knowing what my actual limits are instead of my perceived limits, and understanding how my body works uniquely when compared to another person are things that I’m currently working on.

Spiritually–  Spirituality is always tricky to define, but I’ve become more accepting of things around me and have rejected thoughts about what people think.  For example, I’ve opened myself up to many new genres of music  that I’d be hated on for liking.  I’m more aware of my environment (as talked about in my Perceiving my Environment blog) than ever before in ways that I can’t even explain.  Yeah, can’t really describe this area of health too much, but I promise that I’m pretty healthy in this area.

Emotionally–  I’m stable at the moment.  But it’s too easy for me to fall into negative moods much more so than ever before in my life.  Well, I should say easier for other negative emotions besides anger and sadness.  In terms of progress I’m pretty much ambivalent just as I am mentally.  I’m more aware of my emotions, but at the same time, I’m more aware of my emotions.  For example, when I’m happier I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but when I’m angry I’m so pissed that I literally can’t see straight.  But with awareness comes —-> the potential to change.  For many things, if you keep working at it, even if you don’t believe it will change anything, things most likely will change.  My only issue is in what way should I change.  I’ve learned that if I’m not told what the middle ground is, I will drift towards an extreme until I stumble across a positive dyadic relationship between my environment and a comfortable way to express that particular emotion.  Progress has been made, but still along ways to go…

Religiously–  I need to make more gains on this one.  But I’m practicing more properly and consistently than ever before.  Baby steps + earnestly following the triangle (F,P,S) = Progress.

So yeah, that’s a brief overview of what’s good with James.  Overall, I’m just living life and trying to find the best way to live that works for me.  Seeing value in everything takes a lot of mediating (i.e. learning how to be fearless even though fear serves as a warning of danger, etc.), but I’m honestly working on it.

I think this is good for now.  I guess I’m off hiatus haha.  But I’m more chill about my blog, so I won’t try to put every single thought down like I tried to do.  I’m trying to be the embodiment of chill, and I guess with me doing this is a step towards that direction.  I’ve also learned the value of time and understanding how little things add up to be more than the sum of each part.  Yeah…progress has definitely been made.  Just gotta make sure that what I’m perceiving as progress isn’t actually regression…..

P N B E

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